Faustian Bargain
by Lightning4119
Summary: After Sirius dies, Harry gets a very stranger visitor. Tired of being kicked, he decides to start kicking back. Post OOTP, non-DH & HBP compliant. Gray!Harry. H/OC. M for a reason. Will be violence and severe language later. Plenty of adult content.
1. Chapter 1 The Bargain

Intro: This was an oddball idea I had a while back- Harry is moved after the Ministry battle and receives an odd visitor. After he makes the deal, he decides its time to take the fight to Riddle. Non-6th/7th compliant, Gray!/Immortal!Harry, Harry/OC

Chapter 1: The Bargain

Harry's Flat

The alarm clock spell went off, giving Harry the sensation of someone gently shaking him. He slowly roused, stretching and surveying his five-room flat. After Sirius's death at the Ministry and Voldemort's subsequent attempted possession and mind-rape, Harry had sat Dumbledore down in his office and had told him flat-out that unless Dumbledore moved him out of the Dursley's house, he would set a magical sign pointing at the front door that said "Harry Potter Lives Here" and pass word to the Death Eaters, telling them exactly where he lived.

After a few moment's spluttering, as well as a heated argument that had left the old man speechless several times, Harry had somehow won and been moved into a small flat in Diagon Alley that was under a Fidelius Charm. Not wanting to share his parent's fate, Harry had demanded that he be the Secret-Keeper. Dumbledore had resisted at that, but Harry had refused to negotiate, and the older wizard had finally caved.

Hedwig had taken up residence in the flat as well, being given a perch next to the window that was permanently open, but well-concealed. The window had a temperature-control charm on it, so the flat always stayed at a comfortable temperature and humidity level, no matter the weather outside.

However, the "Leader of the Light" had managed some valuable concessions from Harry. A member of the Order, usually Remus or Moody, visited him once a day. The two wizards had been passing him copies of the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler, as well as occasionally staying for a few hours. When he stayed, Moody usually took the time to teach Harry a high-powered spell or two or engage him in a practice duel. These pitched battles usually left Harry bruised and battered, but less so each time. Remus usually regaled the boy with stories of his parent's and Sirius's antics. Harry kept researching a way to defeat Voldemort, training his body and mind while he spent his days in the flat. However, none of this changed one very simple fact that almost everyone had overlooked.

Harry was miserable. He felt responsible for Sirius's death, and even though Remus and Tonks had assured him several times that nobody held him at fault, he still felt terrible inside. Harry stepped into the bathroom and splashed water on his face.

Harry looked at his reflection in the mirror and frowned, staring into his own eyes. "Look at me. I'm in hiding, tired, alone, and miserable. I feel like tying a fucking anchor around my neck, jumping into the tub, and seeing just how long I can hold my breath. I'd sell my soul for a way to end this war."

There was a quiet crack from the main room of his flat, sounding as if someone had Apparated into the room. Harry drew his wand, ducking behind the bathroom door. He stared at the mirror, watching and waiting. "You can come out, Harry. I'm not going to hurt you," a male voice with an Irish accent said.

Harry shouted back, "You really expect me to believe that?"

"No, but if I wanted you dead, wouldn't I have just appeared directly in the bathroom of your flat and killed you? Especially since the flat is under a Fidelius Charm and you are the Secret-Keeper?"

That stopped Harry a moment. "Well, alright." He stepped into the main room of the flat and stopped short. Standing in the center of the room was a man wearing black jeans and a black leather jacket with metal studs on the shoulders. Under the jacket, the man was wearing a shirt that was a deep, fiery red. However, the most striking feature of the man had to be his hair. There were flames extending a full foot above the man's head. Harry stared a moment.

"Who in hell are you?" The man chuckled.

"I think you know who I am, Harry." Harry cocked his head, still staring at the flames.

"Do I?"

"Well, I'll tell you anyway. My name is Lucifer." Harry nodded with his mouth slightly agape. "Would it help if I brought the flames down?" Another nod, and the flames died down and coalesced into spiky red hair. "You might want to sit down." Harry dropped onto the couch, confused. "You're wondering why I'm here?"

"The thought had crossed my mind. Don't you have souls to be torturing?"

"Well, the thing is, that's why I'm here."

"Please don't tell me you want to open a branch Hell and my flat is in the way." The man laughed again.

"No, but I am here for a specific reason. I recall that you just offered to sell your soul in exchange for a way to defeat Tom Riddle."

"…I did?"

"Yes, you did. Now, I'm not compelling you to go through with it, but I may be able to persuade you to. Your godfather just died, I believe. You're being hunted by a wizard who has merged with one of my demons."

"Any demon in particular?" Lucifer looked sheepish.

"My son. Satan."

"Oh, great."

"Yeah. His grandfather Beelzebub and his brother Shaitan have a lot to answer for."

"I'll say. They let the son of the Devil loose on earth!"

"Calm down, kid."

"I know. I'm just joking. Look, before you start anything else, can I ask one question?"

"Sure."

"What happened to my godfather?"

"He's in Hell, actually. He died protecting you, which gave him an automatic entry into Heaven, but at the moment he's waiting for me in Hell."

"Why?"

"Well, him, me, and Sam Peckinpah have a whiskey-and-poker night every Tuesday. Now look. I can't accept your soul entirely. You've got somebody else's protection on you."

"You telling me I've got God's backing?"

"No, God doesn't exist. Anymore. He sacrificed himself to bind whoever the Devil is in Hell. What you see is sort of a projection of me. Anyway, I'm talking more of the Fates."

"The Greek Fates?"

"Sort of. Now, what you must know, is that the Greeks had it all wrong. The people they regarded so highly as gods were really just really powerful wizards. Some of them were even known here in Britain. For example, the person the Greeks regarded as Hades was really the man the British knew as Salazar Slytherin."

"What? You're joking!"

"No. Where do you think he went after he left the school? Rowena Ravenclaw went with him. She was the Greek's Athena. All their gods were really wizards and witches."

"Zeus?"

"Master of self-transfiguration. Quite the lech, too."

"Hera?"

"Think Greece's response to Molly Weasley."

"Wow. So, if the Fates aren't divine beings, what are they?"

"What do you think? They're businessmen."

"Businessmen?"

"Yes, businessmen. Extremely powerful, extremely wealthy businessmen. You ever heard of the Majestic-12? The Illuminati? New World Order? Those are the Fates backing you. Wizards, some of them 'purebloods', some 'half-bloods', some Muggle-born, all of them out of the public eye. All of them have powerful Muggle enterprises as well in some facet of society. They realize that they can't ignore either world and are extremely powerful in both. All of them believe that you winning is a much better result for them than Riddle winning."

"Any politicians?"

"What are you, kidding? Politicians, along with the press, hold the lowest kind of power- transient power. Presidents and Prime Ministers- they serve at the will of the people. Even dictators serve at the will of their armies and co-conspirators. No, they're wealthy businessmen."

Harry cocked his head, utterly confused. "So…how do these Fates compete with Voldemort?"

Lucifer cocked his head. "Y'know, you really shouldn't call him that. His name is Tom Riddle. When my son fused with him during a botched power-boosting ritual, they took the name Voldemort. The whole anagram bit was a lousy excuse."

"Okay, so how do these Fates compete with Satan's power?"

"Money. Cash is the one thing that is almost as strong if not stronger than demonic power."

"So that's how Vol…er, Riddle, was able to keep from dying when he tried to kill me? Satan kept him alive?"

"Yup. Demons can be destroyed, but not by a Killing Curse. What the Killing Curse does is separate the soul from the body, while also stopping the heart and halting all brain activity. Basically, it's like someone pulled the plug on the person. If demons are somehow 'killed' in the Earth sense, they just land back in Hell. But nobody's thought to use holy water on Riddle when he was in a non-corporeal form or to do an exorcism of some kind."

"Interesting. Now, why are you here?"

"I'm here to offer you a deal." At that, Harry stuck his wand in his waistband and began gently shooing Lucifer towards the door.

"No thanks, not interested, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

"Wait. Wait. I just said I couldn't accept your soul!"

"Then what do you want?"

"Essentially, I'm offering you a very one-sided agreement. In exchange for absolutely, positively destroying Riddle and all of his servants, along with all the creatures who serve him, the Fates have asked me to hold your soul…well, in escrow would be the easiest way to describe it."

"In escrow? What, is my soul a nice piece of land to be bidded on now?"

"Not really. You'd be immortal, in a sense. You die in some way- hit by a Killing Curse, or by some other means- you'd just regenerate somewhere else. Also, we'd be giving you a few interesting pieces of…shall we say, reading material."

"You're offering to give me satanic spells?"

"Did I say that?" Lucifer said with a wink.

"Maybe not, but you sure as hell meant it. So, I'd be immortal. What else?"

"You'd have the power to give anyone you choose the same benefit, as well as take it away. But you'd have to be absolutely willing, not under the Imperius Curse or any other compulsion."

"So I'd be able to give Ron and Hermione the same ability?"

"Yes. We don't expect you to do this all alone, y'know."

"Okay. Sounds alright so far. But where's the catch? What about after we destroy Riddle and all his servants?"

Lucifer shrugged. "You get your soul back. That's about the only catch. You and anyone else you gave the powers to would become mortal again, and you'd lose the ability to use the spells we gave you."

"There's got to be more to it than that."

"Well, the only other thing that could possibly be called a 'catch' is that you have to kill ALL of his servants, as well as Riddle himself. It might be a problem if you weren't willing to kill."

"After what that bitch Bellatrix did to my godfather, that won't be a problem."

"Good. Now what do you think?"

Harry mulled it over. "I think I'm in. Is there an out option?"

"Yes, but I doubt you'll want it. At any time, all you have to do is call me, and I'll drop by. Then you can say you want out, and we'll pull the powers and spells. However, this is a one-time offer. You pull out, you can't get back in."

Harry nodded. "I'm in. How do we seal the deal?"

Lucifer grinned. "What, you expect a blood contract or something?"

Harry shrugged. "Sort of. I haven't really done this before, so I don't know what to expect."

"Well, there is a bit of a ceremony, and you may or may not have a problem with it. You are, I believe, still a virgin?"

Harry blanched. "Yes, but I'm not into blokes, thanks."

Lucifer gave a quick, barklike laugh that reminded Harry of Sirius's laugh. "Well, you wouldn't be sleeping with me, but a friend of mine. Female, don't worry. But the only reason it might be a problem is if you were one of those 'abstinent until marriage' people."

"Well, I'm not. Why on earth would I shut myself off from more human contact after being repressed for years at the hands of those bastards?"

Lucifer nodded, a sudden grim expression on his face. "Well, you don't have to worry. Vernon is headed for a massive heart attack. Petunia will die at virtually the same time."

"How?"

"Well, he ends up losing everything at Grunnings. He happens to be in the middle of something with Petunia and when he has the heart attack, he falls and crushes her."

Harry winced. "Okay, I didn't need to know that, but it does seem like things balance out."

"Right. So, now for the more ceremonial part." He stepped forward, into the center of the room, and Harry felt a wind begin to blow around them. "Harry James Potter. You have been offered to have your immortal soul held in escrow until such a time as it is deemed that Tom Riddle and all of his servants have been well and truly destroyed. Will you accept this Faustian bargain?"

"I will."

The wind increased, sending loose papers flying around the room. "And will you fulfill the terms of this bargain and seal it in the required fashion?"

"I will."

The wind increased to an even greater level, lifting books from the shelves. "Then so mote it be!" A bolt of red light flew from Lucifer's eyes and struck Harry in his scar, sending him back a step. Harry felt slightly lightheaded, and wavered slightly, but recovered quickly. He looked around, not seeing Lucifer, but jumped when the demon's voice came from nowhere.

"The one who will seal the deal will be along shortly. Just go with it, don't worry about a thing. Remember, both me and the Fates will be watching you."

Harry waved his wand, cleaning up the room, contemplating what he had just done. He had made the deal with the devil-literally! And now, some strange woman was about to come and have sex with him to seal the deal. _I wonder if I should freshen up…_waving his wand over his body and muttering, Harry cast a few quick spells to clean the nighttime sweat off his body, freshen his breath, and generally make himself presentable. As soon as he finished, there was a knock at the door.

Harry opened the door to find a woman standing there. She was, in a word, absolutely beautiful. Well, two words, but Harry was too focused on the woman to notice. She was a brunette, about Harry's height, and had curves in all the right places. She was wearing a pair of black jeans and a red tank that bared her midriff, revealing a taught stomach and a small navel piercing. As he reluctantly returned his gaze to her eyes, he found she was looking him over with just as hungry a look in her eyes as he must have had.

Harry suddenly felt self-conscious- he was only wearing an old black t-shirt and a pair of worn-out boxers that had animated snitches flying across them. She finished her perusal and looked up, meeting his eyes. When she spoke, Harry could almost hear the arousal in her voice. "You'll be Harry, then?"

He shrugged. "Sure, I'll be Harry. Who will you be, then?" She giggled. It was a musical sound that Harry almost desperately wanted to hear more of. "My name is Eva. Luc sent me."

"Luc? Lucifer goes by Luc?"

"Well, the name does draw attention, doesn't it?" She looked around. "Now, are we going to do it out here in the hall, or should I come in?"

He grinned and stepped to one side. "Sorry, come on in." She stepped past him, giving his bum a squeeze on the way past. He shut the door and ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly nervous.

She giggled again, not turning around. "Nervous to be sleeping with an agent of the devil?"

He snorted. "A bit. Plus, its my first time."

She spun, her eyes wide. "You're a virgin?"

He nodded. "Yes. Is that a problem for you?"

"Just surprising. But since you're a virgin, you probably want a little instruction on how these things work, right? Because really, the textbooks don't really tell you much." Harry nodded, and she smiled. "I do enjoy teaching." Eva toed off her shoes and gently pushed Harry back onto the bed. She straddled his lap, looping her arms around his neck. "So, you ever kissed a girl before?"

He nodded. "One. It wasn't so great. She was crying at the time, so it was kind of awkward."

She smiled and leaned in closer. "Well, let's see if we can't broaden your horizons a bit, shall we?" Their lips met, and a shiver went down Harry's spine. Without breaking the kiss, Eva took his hands in hers and moved them from the bed to her sides before knotting her hands in his hair. When air became an issue, she broke the kiss, her lips puffy and her face flushed. "You're a great kisser, Harry."

He grinned. "Thanks. You're great yourself."

She giggled and ground her rear against his lap. "I know. I can feel just how much you want me." Harry blushed, and she smiled. "Don't be embarrassed. I think it'd be more of a problem if you weren't hard. Now do what I do." She slid her hands slowly up under his shirt, moving up his body. "Can you see where I'm going with this?" He nodded. "Then go for it."

He nodded, and slowly slid his hands up to her chest, receiving a small suprise. "No bra?"

She shook her head. "Makes me feel constricted. Now feel me up, damnit!" Her full lips parted slightly and a quiet moan escaped her lips as he did so.

What followed was an incredible experience. She was a passionate lover- wild, but gentle, demanding but encouraging.

As is common among first-timers, Harry was done within a few minutes, but while they waited for him to recharge, she showed him how exactly to please a woman, often with very vocal encouragement.

She brought him back to full arousal several times. When she finally couldn't coax another rise out of Harry, they cleaned up and slept for several hours.

Harry woke suddenly, realizing he was alone in the bed. He felt abandoned for a moment.

"You thought I'd left, didn't you." Harry's head snapped up, spotting Eva lounging on the couch, still completely naked.

"Actually, yes, I did."

"You were a damn good screw. No way I would possibly leave like that. In fact, if I didn't have my responsibility to Luc, I'd quick around and help you with your mission. But, I am an agent of the Devil, and I can't ignore that. But I'll tell you what. Since Luc owes me big for a few favors I did him a while back, I'll help you out as much as I can."

"How, Eva?"

"Intelligence on Riddle, maybe a weakness or two I or one of my contacts stumble across...you get the idea." Harry nodded, realizing how useful this woman could be.

She stood and stretched, and Harry once again looked her over, feeling the serpent stir again as his gaze traveled over the curve of her breasts and the length of her legs. She turned, spotting the rising tent in the sheets. "God, you're incorrigible." He nodded and grinned cheekily. "Ah, what the hell. One more quick blow won't hurt."

She knelt in front of him and took him into her mouth, sucking and bobbing rapidly. Within a few minutes of her obviously experienced ministrations, Harry was spurting into her mouth. She swallowed, cleaned him off with a few quick swipes of her tongue, and cleared her throat.

"Thanks, Eva."

She grinned. "My pleasure. Now, may I make a few suggestions on who to give that immortality to?"

"I yield the floor to the vixen wearing the sheet." She giggled again, and he leant forward, resting his head on her stomach, her belly piercing just under his nose.

"Well, there's Hermione and Ron, of course. But you wouldn't want to give it to too many people."

"Why not?"

"Well, you must remember that Luc's son is in there with Riddle. And while he can't bestow immortality, he does know who can. If you were to avoid letting Satan know that you have Luc on your side now, that would give you an advantage. Making everyone immortal would probably tip him off. Plus, if you give too many people the gift, the Death Eaters would probably start going after their friends and families. You can't give everyone immortality."

"I see. So, who else would you recommend?"

"Well, who else do you think will stand with you?"

"I'm not sure. Well, I know the Order will, or at least part of them- Remus, Tonks, possibly Moody. I wonder if there's anyone else..."

"Well, rattle off everyone who's in the Order and see if you think you'd trust them with that."

"Dumbledore- probably not, but he's practically immortal already. I wouldn't trust him not to expose it as a calculated sacrifice. McGonagall-probably, but I'm not sure. Snape-no. He's too tightly in Dumbledore's pocket. Remus-definitely. Tonks-probably, she has a soft spot for Remus. Moody-probably, not that he needs it with his paranoia, but I think he'd be able to put it to good use. Hagrid- definitely. I can definitely see Hagrid using it well. Fletcher-definitely not, he'd probably try to sell it. Kingsley- not sure about him. I've met him maybe twice and never really gotten a feel for him. Hestia Jones- also not sure. I'm not sure about some of the Weasleys, but you never know."

"Anyone else in the Order?"

"Not many significant members. Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Aberforth Dumbledore, Arabella Figg, and Emmeline Vance. I either wouldn't trust them or wouldn't see a use in making them immortal. It seems cold-hearted, but I can't afford to risk it." Harry said. "Sometimes it feels like we're so outnumbered...I understand why so many people are leaving the country."

"How about people outside the Order?"

"If anyone, those that were with me at the Ministry- Luna, Neville, and Ginny."

"I'm not sure about them, but if you feel you can trust them- go for it."

Harry shrugged. "I'm not sure if they'll stick with me after they find out I've made a deal with the devil. I'll probably have to explain to the full-blooded wizards what the devil is."

"Right. Look, if I could, I would stay here and help. But I do have a responsibility to Luc, you know."

Harry cocked his head. "And what if I could convince Luc to let you stay?"

Eva turned slowly, a confused look on her face. "You think you could do that?"

"Maybe. What if I could?"

"Well, I'd be happy to serve as an advisor, as well as a fighter."

"Do you have the powers that Luc gave me?"

"Yes. All agents of the devil do."

"Good. Now, if I could get you…I guess the best way to say it would be transferred…" He trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"Would I be willing to sleep with you again?" He nodded, trying to avoid looking desperate. "Harry, there's something I have to tell you. The ceremony of sealing a deal with the devil doesn't require that the agent achieve a climax, only the one entered in the bargain."

He lifted his head from her stomach. "So…you mean to say that after I finished the first time, you could have left and that was it?"

"Exactly. But something about you told me to stay, and I'm glad I did." She cradled his face in her palms. "Honestly, Harry, I would be glad to do this again. Get me released from Luc's service, at least temporarily, and I'd be perfectly willing to serve as your aide-de-camp, your confidant, your advisor, and your lover."

An Apparation _crack_ sounded, and Harry dove off the bed, grabbing his wand from the nightstand and leveling it at the source of the sound, ignoring the fact that he was naked.

"You know, you really should put that away," Lucifer said, gesturing at Harry's crotch. Harry glanced down, and yanked the blanket off the bed, wrapping it around his waist. "Nice improvisation. Anyway, I've been listening in."

"Oh good. I was wondering about how to go about asking you."

Luc nodded. "Eva, you've been in my service for how long?"

Eva grinned cheekily at him. "Ah, Luc, you should know never to ask a woman her age!" The man did not look impressed, and her smile quickly faded. She bowed her head. "Over forty years, Milord."

"And you entered into my service voluntarily, did you not?" She nodded silently, her head still bowed. He gently lifted her chin, looking into her eyes. "Do not be afraid, my child. You have since served me with distinction, operating far better than any other agent in my service." He took a slow breath. "Which is why that if you so choose, I would have no problem with releasing you from my service. Permanently." A grin broke out on her face. "However, if you do leave my service, I must ask that you assist Harry with his mission." She nodded, and he smiled. "Good. Then, Eva, I hereby release you from your service as an agent of the Lord of Darkness!" A red flash went off, and there was a slight smell of sulfur. Luc turned to Harry. "Well, she's all yours. Good luck, my boy, and good hunting. Eva, you're always welcome at the Palace, even if you're just freelancing or visiting." The man stuck out his hand, and Harry shook it, feeling a strong heat coming from the man's body.

"Thanks, Luc." The Devil nodded, and disappeared with another _crack_. Harry turned, spotting a suitcase, presumably with Eva's belongings, sitting in the corner.

Harry turned back to Eva as she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and hugging him tightly. "I can't believe you did that, Harry!"

"Neither can I. But we have work to do."

"We do?"

"Yes. First, we have to plan who we're going to tell and who we're going to give the immortality to."

Eva nodded. "Well, it's a good thing I'm good at organization, because from the looks of things you're absolutely pants at it."

"I am. So, I guess a list is in order?"

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Harry's Flat

1 week later

Harry put his pen down and flexed his hand, easing the cramps that were developing in his fingers. "I think we've got it now."

Eva looked up from her paper. "You sure? This is like the eighth draft, so let's be sure."

"I'm pretty sure. C'mere." She sat behind him, rubbing her breasts against his back and looking over his shoulder. Even though they were not having sex at that moment, Eva still preferred to remain naked, and Harry usually went shirtless, for the exact circumstances that were occurring now.

"I like the name. Simple, to the point, easy to remember. Let's see…"

_The Team_

_-Harry Potter_

_-Eva Wright_

_-Hermione Granger_

_-Ronald Weasley_

_-Remus Lupin_

_-Tonks_

_-Alastor Moody_

_-Luna Lovegood_

_-Neville Longbottom_

_-Rubeus Hagrid_

_-Ginny Weasley_

"Well, I can't agree with adding Ginny in here, but maybe it's just my territorial instincts kicking in. I know she fancies you, Harry."

"Well, I'll have to tell her that I'm yours for the foreseeable future."

"Aww. Well, if for no other reason, the Weasley family could only benefit from an immortal in the house. Be useful in a battle."

"True. So what do you say? Send Hedwig out, bring them all here, swear them to secrecy and get their answers?"

She grinned. "Make it so, Cap'n."

Harry wrote out a letter, taking his time. After some coaching from Eva, he had finally learned how to write decent letters, without making them into entire books. He ran down the list. Eva was already there with him, so he moved to the next entry.

_Hermione,_

_I hope you're doing well this summer. Sorry I've been out of contact, but I've been moved from the Dursleys' house. I get the Prophet and the Quibbler every day from Moony or Moody, so I know (after a few grains of salt) what is going on in the Wizarding World. I haven't been able to persuade Moony to start passing me the Sun yet, but I'm trying. Also, I've had a rather interesting visitor. The result of that visit is one of the reason's I'm writing you. I hope you can come to Diagon Alley on the 16__th__ of August and be at the Leaky Cauldron. Hopefully, Ron, Moony, Moody, Tonks, Luna, Neville, Hagrid, and Ginny will be there too. There's more- I've met someone, but I'll explain everything on the 16__th__. Please write me back telling me whether you can come or not. Don't bother trying to visit me- the flat is under the Fidelius._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_-Harry_

_P.S. Hedwig will wait for a reply, but give her some bacon while she waits. Owls are people too, y'know._

Harry looked over the letter, and nodded, satisfied. Stuffing the letter in an envelope and charming it so only Hermione could open it (a spell he picked up from his research), he set it aside and grabbed a fresh sheet of paper.

_Ron,_

_Sorry I've been out of contact, mate, but they moved me. I'm in Diagon Alley now, and I'm hoping you'll come on the 16__th__ and be at the Leaky Cauldron. With any luck at all, Hermione, Moony, Tonks, Moody, Hagrid, Luna, Neville, and your little sister will be there too. However, I must ask that you leave everyone else behind. This is something that needs to stay close to the chest._

_Hope to see you soon, mate._

_-Harry_

A quick check mark and spell later, Harry was reaching for a fresh sheet of paper.

_Remus-_

Harry stopped. "Why on earth do I need to write Remus OR Moody ? They'll be here every day!" He crumpled the paper and tossed it into the magical wastebasket, which cleaned all the ink off the paper, flattened it out, and fed it back into the desk. Getting another paper, Harry began again.

_Tonks,_

_How you doing, Nymphadora? I'm doing well, myself…._

A half hour later, Harry counted the addressed envelopes- only one left. He had deliberately left Ginny's for last.

_Ginny-_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I'm doing fine, myself. I realize that you may think we have a future together, but I know it can't be, at least for the foreseeable future. Please, come to the Leaky Cauldron on the 16__th__ with your brother, and among other things, we'll have a talk about that and I'll explain everything._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_Harry_

"Hm. That was easier than I expected." A few moments later, Hedwig was soaring out the window with a bundle of letters tied to her leg. She towards what Harry could only assume was Ottery St. Catchpole, wanting to make her biggest delivery first.

"How long do you figure for responses?"

"Well, I'd guess about an hour for Luna's and the Weasley's responses, maybe an hour after that for most of the rest- Neville, Tonks, Moody, and Remus should be relatively easy to find. Maybe twenty minutes after that for Hagrid to clear his schedule and write a response. I'd guess thirty seconds for Hermione's response."

"Right. And now we wait?"

"And now we wait."

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Hedwig fly back in through the window, a single letter tied to her leg. She was still carrying all the letters but the Weasley's.

"What happened, girl? You couldn't find Luna?" The owl gave an affronted snuffle. "Oh. She wasn't home. Well, thanks anyway, Hed." He gave her an owl treat, and after nipping at his finger affectionately, she was winging her way through the sky once again.

Harry ripped open the envelope, surprised to find three responses in the single envelope. "Hermione must be staying with the Weasleys…" He examined her letter first, setting aside the other two.

_Harry,_

_You're in a lot of trouble, mister. I had hoped to hear from you before now, but I guess I can't control your writing tendencies. I'll definitely be at the Leaky Cauldron with Ron and Ginny on the 16__th__. I have to tell you- I've met someone too. We'll talk on the 16__th__. Until then, I do expect to hear from you again._

_Hermione_

Harry chuckled, handing the letter to Eva. She read through it quickly, laughing as she did. "I like this girl. Ron next?"

"Why not?"

_Harry-_

_Good to hear from you, mate. Hermione's sore you haven't written before, but I understand…actually, I don't. I don't know what you're going through, but I hope I can help. See you on the 16__th__._

_Ron_

"Two down, one to go. So far, so good."

_Harry,_

_I'm sorry to hear about you going off the market. However, I think it's only fair to tell you that while I did fancy you for a while, I know it wasn't meant to be. I'm not a total deranged fangirl, you know. While I'll always have a soft spot for you, that doesn't mean I can't respect whoever you're with (lucky girl). See you on the 16__th__._

_-Ginny_

"That went better than I expected, actually."

"What'd you expect?"

"A vaguely threatening letter demanding that I break up with whoever I was with and be with her."

"That would bring about a catfight of epic proportions."

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Hedwig soared back in, landing on the kitchen table and waiting patiently. Another bundle of letters was attached to her leg.

"Feel free to take a break, girl. No rush. Take a snooze and go whenever you're ready." She hooted appreciatively and hopped onto her perch, settling in for a rest as Harry opened the envelopes.

"We have Tonks and Hagrid in. They must have been at Hogwarts with Moody and Remus, because they say they'll come with Mad-Eye and Moony."

Eva checked the names off on the list she had made. "All that leaves is Neville and Luna."

"Good. Now, if we only knew where they were…"

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Harry's flat

Two days later

"Thanks, girl." Hedwig eyed the platter of bacon that was on the breakfast table and Harry pushed it towards her. "Go ahead. You've definitely earned it." She hooted and began to feed on the meat. "Neville and Luna must be together, they put their responses in the same envelope. Both are in."

"Then it's settled, then?"

"Yeah. Everyone's in. Now we just have to pass the time to the sixteenth."

Eva raised an eyebrow. "Like we'll have such a problem with that."

Harry grinned and reached over, smearing a bit of jam on Eva's nose. "I think I can come up with something to do."


	2. Chapter 2 The Team

Intro: This was an oddball idea I had a while back- Harry is moved after the Ministry battle and receives an odd visitor. After he makes the deal, he decides its time to take the fight to Riddle. Non-6th/7th compliant, Gray!Harry, Immortal!Harry, Harry/OC

A/N: *scribbles this in* I always…forget…the goddamn…disclaimer…

Disclaimer: If you for some reason think I'm J.K. Rowling, or am making any money off this story, you need help beyond that which I am capable of providing.

A/N 2: There is a more graphic lemon in this chapter, marked by "Lemon Start" and "Lemon End". But then, if you're reading an M-rated story, you should be prepared for that sort of thing. I actually had to tone it down and rephrase it so it could be put into this story.

Chapter 2: The Team

Harry's Flat

August 15th

Harry woke slowly, and kept his eyes closed, choosing to inhale deeply. The faint scent of Eva's shampoo entered his nostrils- vanilla. He was not sure how she felt about him, but he was pretty convinced that he was falling in love with this woman. Every day, they would rise from their shared bed and would begin either researching or training. Eva had been a bit of a shock to both Remus and Moody, who had believed that they could not have slipped up, but both had been sworn to secrecy. Their bruised egos were soothed by the knowledge that they had not been facing a mortal opponent. Harry had revealed everything to the both of him, and after a little good-natured teasing about sleeping with the devil, both had agreed to stand by him, for different reasons.

Remus had been offended when Harry had asked him whether he would stand by him or Dumbledore. As he had put it, "I have always been on your side. I never fought for Dumbledore- I fought for you and your parents." Moody had been concerned at first, but eventually, he too had agreed, and both had been made immortal.

They would be at the Leaky Cauldron on the 16th, providing security. Of course, if any Death Eaters happened to attack the Leaky Cauldron at that point, anything short of an all-out assault by Riddle himself would be met with five DA members, four Order members, and a former agent of the devil- not to mention Tom the bartender. Any confrontations would be short-lived, and if Tom got into the fight, the others might not even need to get involved.

Harry opened his eyes and gently untangled himself from Eva's limbs. In the past two weeks, the two lovers had become extremely close. Although they usually wore clothes now, to avoid the teasing from Remus or Moody when they had to scramble for clothing when one of them came by, the two were just as intimate with each other. More often than not, breakfast turned into either an all-out shag fest or a food fight. Lunch was usually cold sandwiches after their physical training and before their research.

With help from several Order members, Harry had moved a good portion of the vast Black family library to his flat in Diagon Alley. Harry had uncovered several 'gray' combat spells- more powerful and inventive than stunners, but less nasty than killing curses or other 'dark' spells. He had also learned a few healing spells that came in handy after almost every visit from Moody.

Aside from the anatomy lessons at night (and in the morning, and sometimes right after lunch), Eva had taught him about combat tactics, wizard etiquette, and magical statecraft. As she had put it, "You can't just defeat Riddle and Luc's son on the battlefield, at least not the physical one. You may need to fight him on the political battlefield as well." After stating this, she had promptly shagged him, claiming it would help him remember the lesson.

Eva had also taught him both magical and Muggle first aid, which would allow him to essentially "do anything except open the brain cavity" with minimal trouble or assistance. With the knowledge he now had, Harry stood a far better chance than he had before. In return, Harry had taught her how to cook, Muggle-style. At least he had attempted to. While she was a natural at making gourmet dishes- she had made a chateau brion for three that had somehow convinced Moody to break his "no food I didn't prepare" rule- Eva had also managed somehow to burn water. She was completely incapable of making some of the most basic dishes. Cornflakes were about her limit. Anything more than that required major repairs to the kitchen.

Easing himself from the bed, Harry rose and completed his morning ablutions- use the bathroom, shave via magic-another useful spell Eva had taught him (although she had had a different target for the spell in mind)- and brush his teeth. Harry left his hair uncombed, having long ago given up on fighting it. It never tangled but never would cooperate, so the boy cut his losses and let it sit where it wanted.

Harry padded into the main room of the flat, stretching and examining his surroundings. He was moderately happy in the flat. With its kitchen, sitting room, two bedrooms (each with its own bathroom), and spare room that had been turned into a gym and dueling arena, the flat was well equipped for the summer. It was safe, comfortable, and private- three things that Harry had never had all at once in his life. Although Harry did wish that Sirius was in the other bedroom, the guilt he had felt over his godfather's death had mostly faded.

Harry picked up a single book that had been set apart from the others- the photo album that Hagrid had given him years ago. He had added to it, placing pictures of Sirius and Remus with his family, as well as the entire trio together.

"Harry?" Eva was standing in the doorway, her hair mussed up from sleeping. "Come back to bed, Harry. It's still early."

Harry shook his head. "Too late in the morning for that, Eva. Besides, it's not like we'd be sleeping."

Eva managed a sleepy smile. "Did I say we would be sleeping?"

Harry mused on that for a moment. "Ah, what the hell. Let's go." In seconds, Eva was on the couch, waiting for him.

"So, how are we going to shag this time?" Harry asked, grinning. "Will it be from behind, or you riding me? Or would you prefer to be bent over the couch?"

The ex-satanic employee shrugged. "Do me from behind. We haven't done that one in a while, and I know you enjoy it."

Lemon Start

"Fair enough." Harry sat next to her on the couch and pulled her across his lap, nuzzling her neck. Her arms encircled his neck as he slowly scooted his hand up along her ribs.

"Get on with it!" She hissed impatiently, before moaning as Harry caught her earlobe between two teeth and twirled her nipple between a thumb and forefinger. She nipped at his neck as he bent and took one breast into his mouth, batting his tongue across the nipple. She yelped as Harry nibbled lightly on the nub. As he continued to suck on her breast, he reached around and squeezed her bum, before he gently slid out from under her and began kissing down her body. As Harry came to her flower, he spread her lips with two fingers and gently blew a stream of cool air across the nub. She gasped and jumped, letting out a low "Harryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." He grinned, and bent, sliding his tongue through her folds, eliciting a gasp. He continued to work on her for several minutes, bringing her to climax several times with his tongue and fingers. He stopped right before she became over-stimulated- he had become an expert at reading her body language and knowing when she was nearing the edges of her tolerance. She collapsed onto the couch, breathless.

"You get better every time, you know that?" She asked in between breaths. He nodded, grinning cheekily. "Would you like me to return the favor?"

"Definitely." He heard a low growl in her throat and she tackled him back onto the couch and began trailing her tongue down his body, stopping to nibble lightly at one of his nipples. She worked lower and slowly slid the head of his todger into her mouth, trailing her tongue around the base of the crown. She slowly worked her way down his shaft, inching it deeper into her mouth. Harry knew she did this deliberately, for the express purpose of winding him up, but his thoughts at that moment were mostly occupied with praying that she would not stop to speak. She slowly bobbed her head, wrapping her hand tightly around the part of his shaft not in her mouth and slowly jerking in time. She continued to work her tongue around his shaft as she sucked slowly on him, edging him closer to orgasm.

Eventually, Harry couldn't hold out any longer, and after a warning to Eva, he felt himself slip over the edge, spilling his seed into her mouth. As she swallowed it and trailed her tongue along her upper lip seductively, Harry was reminded of an old joke that brought a slight grin to his face.

"Something funny?" She asked, nipping at the skin of his stomach.

"No, I was just thinking of an old joke. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling." She laughed, and then kissed him hard, before running into their bedroom. Harry trotted after her, finding her on all fours, wiggling her bum in the air. Harry chuckled, and got onto the bed, rubbing the head of his tool against her entrance. "You want this, don't you," he said, his voice husky. "You want it in you."

"You have no idea," she moaned.

"I think I can ballpark it, but I sense you have something else in mind right now."

"Just shut up and stick that thing in me already!" Harry was only too happy to comply, and slowly sheathed himself in her, feeling her inner walls clamp down around him. She gave a low moan, and Harry let a breath hiss through his teeth as he bottomed out. He slowly pulled back, before ever-so-slowly thrusting back in. He repeated this several times, watching the reactions of his lover.

"Harry James Potter, if you do not stop screwing around and fuck me properly RIGHT NOW, I swear to all that is unholy that I will-" she broke off as Harry slid back and slammed forward hard enough to disrupt her speech. He began pounding away, slowing only when he felt his second orgasm approaching. By this time, Eva had effectively been reduced to a boneless pile due to the multiple orgasms.

"Where do you want it?" He asked, feeling the orgasm rushing closer. In response, she pulled forward far enough to let his cock slip out of her, and then pushed back, sliding him in between the globes of her bum. Harry got her general idea and squeezed her cheeks together, before thrusting between them, using them to jerk himself to orgasm. He groaned as his cum splattered across her lower back.

Lemon End

Eva began kissing his neck again, but Harry shook his head, sat up, and stretched. "It feels strange to be turning down a second shag, especially so soon, but we really have to get to work. I still don't know how I'm going to pitch it to the others."

She sat behind him again, slowly massaging his neck. "It doesn't matter how you 'pitch' it to them. If they're worth giving the power to, they'll stick with you and give you the benefit of the doubt."

"It's not that simple. I can't afford to lose any possible allies."

"There's an old adage for this situation- If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it."

Harry snorted. "Well, I'm not trying to please everyone. Just those that I think will help me."

"My point stands. Tell it straight, without ladling bullshit on as Dumbledore would, and everything will turn out how it should be. If they don't side with you when you tell it straight, they wouldn't have if you tried to bullshit them either."

She continued to massage his neck, bringing a moan from him. However, just before the massage was about to degenerate into yet another screw, there was a smell of sulfur, and Harry turned, seeing a small leather-bound book appear on the table. A note sat attached to the front.

"The spells I owe you, as well as instructions on making others immortal and taking it away. If you need anything else, just call. Good hunting.

-Luc"

"Well, better get to work checking this stuff out. The rituals, not the spells just yet. I'll need the rituals first. Seeing as I can't try out a spell that makes your balls rot clean off your body on you, those will have to wait."

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The Leaky Cauldron

August 16th

Harry sat under his Invisibility Cloak, sipping a butterbeer quietly. He spotted Moody and Remus in the corners of the pub. Remus was sipping at a butterbeer of his own. Moody had elected not to even have his hip flask out, wanting his hands to remain free, just in case. Eva was at the bar, chatting with Tom. The plan was for Harry to remain invisible for as long as possible. As soon as Harry doffed the cloak, he would essentially paint a giant target on his back. Common sense dictated that the less time spent with said target mounted on his rear, the better.

The door opened, and Tonks fell through the door, nearly landing on a wizard who was tossing back multiple shots of flaming firewhiskey. Hagrid squeezed through the door after her and picked her up by her jacket, setting her on her feet.

"Yeh all righ' there, Tonks?" He asked, brushing her off and nearly knocking her to the ground again.

"I'm fine. Thanks, Hagrid." The big man nodded and headed towards the bar, where Tom flicked his wand at a barstool. Hagrid sat on it, and the now-magically reinforced stool squeaked slightly but supported his weight. Tonks spotted Remus and headed straight for him, striking up a quiet conversation.

"Always thought those two had something…" Harry muttered to himself, taking another pull on his butterbeer.

About ten minutes later, the door opened again, and two redheads and a brunette stepped through. Harry had to resist running to the bickering couple as they stepped through the door. Ginny gave the two a disparaging look and sat at an empty table.

"Almost everyone is here…now where the hell is Luna and Neville?" It took time enough for Harry to finish his drink before the door finally opened and the last two prospective immortals stepped through the door. Harry choked on his butterbeer when he saw Neville's arm tightly around Luna's thin shoulders. "I knew it!" The two sat near the other former DA members, starting a cheerful conversation.

The Order members, apparently having passed some secret signal, stood in a staggered burst and converged on the DA members, guiding them towards the stairs were Harry sat. As per the plan, Eva remained at the bar, although she did give a slight nod in Harry's general direction. Harry stood aside and remained silent as the crowd went up the stairs and into a random room in the upper floor. After the door closed, Harry saw Eva start a small stopwatch that was strung around her wrist. He counted out a full minute, and then stepped through the door, leaving it slightly ajar.

"…mean, you can't tell us what's going on?" Ron was demanding of Remus. "We got ourselves all the way over here, and you won't even tell us what's going on? And where's Harry?"

"Same old Ron. Such an inconvenience to you, eh?" Harry said, not removing the cloak yet.

Ron spun, nearly falling out of his chair. "Harry, that you?"

"No, it's the Ghost of Christmas Fuck You. Who do you think it is?" With that, Harry pulled off the cloak, tucking it under his arm. Hermione 'squee'-ed and ran to hug him, and the rest chose to speak their greetings rather than risk smothering the boy. She let go of him at last and gave him a confused look.

"You've been working out!"

"Among other things. Now, I've called you all here tonight for a special reason…and I'll explain exactly what when our last guest arrives."

"Who else would be here? Dumbledore?" Harry snorted.

"Not hardly. This is above Dumbledore's pay grade. And…ah, here she is. C'mon in, Eva. Everyone, this is-" Eva interrupted him, making her own introductions and working her way around the room.

She skipped Remus and Moody and started with Hagrid. "You must be Rubeus Hagrid. Harry's told me nothing but good things about you, especially about how you pulled him off that shack in the middle of the ocean." The big man was blushing furiously behind his beard as she moved on to Tonks. "It's Tonks, right? Never…that other name?" The Metamorphagus nodded.

"Never ever."

"I'll try to remember that." She kept moving down the row, coming to Neville. The formerly shy boy was giving her a slightly suspicious look. "You're Neville Longbottom?" The boy nodded, and her eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment. "I knew your parents when they were in school. We'll talk later, okay?" Neville broke out in a smile, and Eva moved on. "You're Luna Lovegood, aren't you?"

"Well, I was the last time I checked," Luna said. "Am I still Luna Lovegood?"

"I believe you are. Have you found the Snorkacks yet?"

"Not yet, but we're still looking. In fact, we were searching in Greenland when Harry called us here."

"Don't give up. Try Sweden." Luna had a thoughtful look as Eva moved on to Ginny. As the two spoke, Harry stepped closer to Moody.

"Can you secure this room against eavesdroppers? At least for now?" The scarred man nodded and flicked his wand at the door, as well as the walls.

"Done. Any devices in the walls or outside will only hear silence."

"Good." Harry turned back and spotted Eva talking to Ron, who had a dumbstruck look on his face. Hermione looked slightly uncomfortable. It was understandable- wearing a pair of dragonhide boots and a jacket, a pair of tight black jeans, and a black tank top that showed her midriff, Eva cut an impressive figure. Harry was wearing trainers, a comfortable pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, all black.

"No worries, though- your brothers do care about you." She came to the last person- Hermione. Harry wasn't sure if she had done it deliberately or not. "So, you're Hermione Granger. The smartest witch of the age. Harry Potter's best female friend. The 'know-it-all'." Harry heard a distinct snigger from the other side of the room and gave a faint smile. Hermione nodded. "Good. Never repress your intelligence. If you're too smart for other people, that's their problem."

Harry stood. "Well, now that we've all been introduced, on to business. We won't be staying here, mainly for security reasons. But before I can take you to where we will be, I have to ask that everyone here take a magical oath to keep this secret. If you can't take that, you can choose to leave now and we'll wipe your memory." He took a slow breath. "But know that once you're in, there's no going back. Anyone have a problem with that?"

"Harry, after the Ministry battle, we've all been marked. We're committed. None of our families are 'neutral'," Neville said. "The Order members are even worse off."

"I'm not just talking about secret from the general public. I'm talking about secrecy from your families, even from Dumbledore and most of the Order." That brought some disturbed murmurs. "I know it sounds strange, but I'm absolutely serious."

Hermione spoke first. "What's happened, Harry? Do you not trust Dumbledore after what happened to Sirius?"

Harry shrugged. "I've got plenty of reasons not to trust him, but its more of I'm hoping for absolute secrecy. The more people that know about it, the greater the chance of being compromised."

"Know about what, Harry?"

"You'll find out once you take the oath."

"Don't trust us either?" Ron snarked.

"No, I just don't want to risk anything right now."

One by one, the guests took the oath, binding themselves never to reveal what went on for the rest of the night without getting permission from Harry first.

"Seems I'm not such a crappy judge of character after all." He pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket and scribbled something out on it.

"Read it and pass it around." Everyone looked at the paper revealing where he lived, and then passed it back to Harry, who incinerated it with a tap from his wand.

"Let's go, then. Disillusionment Charms, everyone." Everyone except Hagrid was Disillusioned, and together, they trooped silently out of the Leaky Cauldron. Hagrid stayed behind a moment to pay the rather significant bill, before heading out after the group and into Diagon Alley. Everyone was silent as Hagrid inconspicuously herded the minors down the empty street, the Order members lining the sides of the street and leapfrogging the distance to Harry's flat.

The group quietly stepped into Harry's flat, Hagrid squeezing through the door and shutting it tightly as Moody, who was in the rear at that point, came through the door and disillusioned himself.

"Nice flat, mate," Ron said, looking around the room.

"Yeah, it's great, Harry. Who did the decorating?" Neville asked to scattered laughter.

"Thanks. I have no idea who did the decorating, I moved into the flat as it was. I'd give you the Sickle tour, but I'd doubt it'd be worth the Sickle. We have two bedrooms, the kitchen, this sitting room, and another room that I've been using as a workout and training center. The second bedroom is going to be enlarged and divided up into sub-rooms, in case anyone wants to stay here."

"Well, tell us what's going on, and we'll see, Harry," Hermione said impatiently, sitting next to a pile of books and putting her arm on top- a subconscious claim to them.

"Alright. Tea, anyone?"

"Oh, for god's sake, Harry," Eva said, rolling her eyes. "Tell them. Remus, could you do the tea, while Fumble Nuts here explains?" There was a chorus of snickers at Harry's expense as Remus set the kettle.

"Fine…okay, several weeks ago, not long after school got out, I persuaded Dumbledore into moving me out of the Dursley's house."

"How on earth did you manage that?"

"I told him that if he didn't relocate me, I'd put out word exactly where I was. Frankly, I expected him to move me to Grimmauld Place, but since Sirius died, I guess the Fidelius there isn't as reliable anymore. So, after getting the go-ahead from Dumbledore, I purchased this flat, and he put a Fidelius Charm and other security spells and wards on it. As those of you capable of Apparation may notice, you can't apparate anywhere in this flat except for directly into the oven. I haven't had a chance to test that yet, and I'm hoping not to. You also can't Disapparate from anywhere except one of the bathrooms. As I was saying," he accepted a cup of hot tea from Remus and set it next to him to cool, "I was moved here. With Remus's, Tonks's, and Moody's help, I moved a good chunk of the Black family library from Grimmauld Place to here. For a while, all I did was research and train. Every day, one of these two," he gestured to Remus and Moody, "would come by and check on me. However, that didn't change one simple fact- I was in an emotional hell. Then, one day, I made the…let's call it the slip…of saying I would sell my soul for a way to end this war."

Hermione gasped. "Harry! Did you do what I think you did?"

"I sincerely doubt it. As I was saying, I said I'd sell my soul for a way to end this war. I guess somebody heard me, because almost as soon as I finished saying it, none other than the Devil himself showed up in my flat." There was a chorus of gasps. "Yes, I know. Turns out that among other things, Voldemort is actually the son of the devil and Tom Riddle fused together. Riddle wasn't evil at the start, per se- he was just power-hungry. However, with Satan, Lucifer's son, having been fused with him so long, he's been corrupted and is now evil as well."

Neville held up a hand. "Wait, slow down. So You-Know-Who is part demon?"

Eva broke in. "You really should just call him Riddle. It's faster, simpler, and for fuck's sake, he's not the boogeyman. But yes, that's how he survived when he tried to kill Harry all those years ago. Demons can't be killed by most conventional means, and Satan wasn't too keen on giving up his host." She sat down on the counter, her mug of tea next to her. "So let's recap - Riddle's in league with the son of the devil, who escaped from Hell. The Devil wants him back, bad. Here's where things get interesting."

"Yeah. Turns out I have the backing of none less than the Fates themselves."

"The Fates? As in the Greek Fates?" Hermione looked skeptical.

"Turns out they're just extraordinarily rich businessmen. I'll explain that to you later. Anyway, they figure me winning is better than Riddle winning, so they've somehow convinced the Devil to help me out. Leaving out some of the minor details, I'm immortal now. The Devil is holding my soul…in escrow, as he put it, until I kill Riddle and all his minions. I also have the ability to make anyone else I choose immortal, and to take that gift away from anyone I've given it to."

"They also gave him some rather potent spells, but once he beats Riddle and his followers, that goes away," Eva broke in again.

"Yes. They pull the immortality and I lose the ability to use those spells."

"Sounds like a pretty one-sided deal," Hermione said.

"Yeah, I know, right? Maybe it was just my turn for some good luck. Now, here's the part where you guys come in."

Hermione spoke first, her eyes closed. "You want us to join you and fight Riddle. And you're willing to make us immortal. Right?"

There was silence for a moment. "If nobody is willing, then I'll just wipe your memories of this and send you back. But Eva, Moody, and Remus are with me."

Hermione looked at him. "You're asking us to put our families in danger, as well as our friends who aren't involved in this. You're essentially asking us to give up our very souls temporarily. Have I got that right?" Harry nodded, and she stood. "Where do I sign up?" Neville was right behind her.

"I stood with you at the Ministry, and I will now. The Potters and Longbottoms were always close. This is no different." Luna stood as well and voiced her assent.

Harry nodded. "Ron? Ginny? I'd hate to put your family in danger."

Ginny snickered. "Because we weren't marked as blood traitors already, right?" She stood and offered her hand. "Count me in."

Harry shook her hand and turned, giving Ron another few seconds. "Tonks? Hagrid?"

Hagrid stood, nearly knocking his head on the ceiling. "I've been with yeh since yeh were just a tyke. I'm not backin' out now." He patted Harry on the shoulder, and Harry had to support himself on the table.

Tonks looked concerned and unconvinced. "I might just lose my job over this, you know that?" She took a deep breath, and nodded. "But I'd never forgive myself if I didn't get to help."

"You already have our answers, cub." Remus said, smiling warmly. Moody grunted.

All eyes fell on Ron. He looked up, and met Harry's gaze. "Harry, I just don't know. It sounds insane."

Harry nodded. "I know. That is why it is going to work. If you haven't noticed, I make my living on insane. I've been hunted by the magical equivalent of Hitler for my entire life. I've been the magical world's response to David Copperfield. This is relatively normal."

Ron dropped his gaze for a moment, but when he looked back, there was the same fire in those eyes that Harry had come to expect from his friend. He stood. "Ah, what the hell. Not like I can die in the attempt, right?" There was a chorus of laughter.

"Glad to have you aboard, mate." Harry stood, and stretched. "So, we need a name. On the list I made, I just had 'The Team', but that sorta lacks creativity."

"Don't suppose we could get away with Potter's Army, huh?" Ginny asked innocently. Everyone who had been present for the events of the previous year broke out in laughter.

"Or how about Demon Hunters?"

Numerous voices broke out, all suggesting names. Eva passed Harry a sheet of pre-prepared paper with a name written across the top and several lines of text below it. Harry cleared his throat.

"I believe we have a name." He turned the sheet around.

_Harry Potter and His Immortals_

_-Harry Potter_

_-Eva Wright_

_-Hermione Granger_

_-Ronald Weasley_

_-Remus Lupin_

_-Tonks_

_-Alastor Moody_

_-Luna Lovegood_

_-Neville Longbottom_

_-Rubeus Hagrid_

_-Ginny Weasley_

Below each name was a space for a signature. "Once you sign the roster, you're in. It's the equivalent of a magical oath. Sort of like the DA roster last year." The newly christened Immortals signed, becoming part of a team that would take the fight to Riddle.

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Harry lounged back, feeling slightly winded. He had just made the Immortals immortal, and the exercise had taken a bit out of him. "More of a strain than I expected." Hermione and Eva guided him to a seat on the couch.

"So, where did you come onto the scene?" Hermione asked politely.

"Er…maybe that would be best for Harry to explain." She asked, giving Harry a grin.

"Cheeky monkey…okay. When I made the deal with Luc, I had to seal the contract somehow, right?" Hermione nodded.

"Any contract or ritual like that would require a blood contract of some kind."

"Well, that's what I was expecting. Didn't quite happen that way. What happened was…well, er…"

Eva broke in. "Any contract with the Devil requires a sexual act. To be more precise, the party making the bargain with the Devil has to climax in some fashion. With women, they usually sleep with Luc; for men, Luc usually sends a succubus. For his more high-roller clients, however," she looked fondly at Harry, "He usually sends a human agent."

"Who was…?" Hermione apparently still was not picking up on it.

"Her, of course, silly," Luna broke in, sitting down opposite Harry.

"You shagged her?" Neville said, looking at Eva.

"Multiple times," Eva said, winking at him before turning back to Hermione. "Actually, it only requires that the party making the deal climax once, and Harry was done right quick the first time, but something told me to stick around. He learned fast. Not only was it damn fun, but I've felt some…some sort of a pull, to Harry, that I haven't felt in all my time as an agent of the Devil. And I was working for him for over forty years."

Hermione choked on her tea. "Forty years! How old are you?"

Eva chuckled. "I'm technically sixty-four years old, but since agents don't age, I could be considered to be only twenty-two."

"I didn't know Harry was into older women," Neville joked.

Hermione ignored him. "How exactly does one become an agent of the Devil?"

"Well, I volunteered. I was a few years out of Hogwarts, had NO idea what to do with my life. I had been floating from job to job for years, and heard about it from an employment agency, so I figured 'what the hell?' and volunteered. I worked for Luc until I met Harry, who talked him into releasing me from the bond. Normally, when agents are released, they instantly gain all the years that they skipped aging and pretty much combust on the spot, but Luc gave me a break."

"He wants you back afterwards?"

"Well, the way he put it, I'm always welcome but he won't make me come back."

"What have you been up to since then?"

"I've been staying here and working with Harry. Aside from being essentially an advisor and an aide, I've been teaching him what I know about both the magical and Muggle world and training him for what's to come. I know Dumbledore didn't do it worth a damn, so I filled in as much as I could. So far, he's learned Occlumency, a load of Muggle combat skills, as well as a few nasty spells we found in the Black family library, and a bunch of other things, like wizard politics and such. Better than that, I taught him so he could teach others, not just so he could use it in a rudimentary form."

"Great. Could you teach me?"

"Sure, if we ever have time. Gotta tell you, I'll have to use a different teaching tactic."

Hermione nodded, satisfied for the moment. Suddenly, Harry could almost see a question spark in her brain. "Wait. Harry, you said that you were going to enlarge and divide that second bedroom. So where is Eva going to be staying?"

Harry looked at her. "For the brightest witch of the age, you sure are slow on the uptake." Hermione stared at him, and her eyes widened as the answer came to her.

"You mean, you two…are still…y'know?" Eva nodded.

"Yes."

Hermione looked down for a moment. "Eva, could I speak with you for a moment?" The two stepped into the spare room and shut the door. Neville jerked his head at the door, silently asking whether to grab an Extendable Ear, but Harry shook his head. A few minutes later, the two came back out, both looking extremely happy. Harry gave Eva a quizzical look, but she shook her head.

The night wore on. Remus produced a case of butterbeer and firewhiskey, and the team talked and joked well into the night. "…So the elf says to the gnome, 'of course, it didn't help matters much that she had a kneazle tail sticking out of her skirt!" Everyone laughed.

Harry set down his empty butterbeer and clapped his hands. "Not that I'm trying to kick you people out, but I've been wondering- who's staying here, who's going to go home?"

Seeing Ron facedown on the table and Ginny chatting amicably with Neville and Luna, Hermione answered for the Weasley party, "I guess we'll have to go back. Their mother will get more suspicious than usual if we don't show up. As it is, we'll probably be facing the Inquisition when we get back. Molly is practically a master interrogator on her own."

"Tonks has to get back to her flat; she's on duty at the Ministry tomorrow. Remus and I have things to do tomorrow. I'm going to be working on something for Dumbledore and he's going to be hung over," Moody answered, having been the only one to abstain from drinking. "I don't think you could put up Hagrid if you tried. He's a nasty bugger when he's been drinking the night before."

"Well then, get him home. Let Dumbledore deal with the mess he'll make. Luna? Neville? Should I make up a pair of rooms for you two?"

"I think you'll have to. Unless we go to Neville's house, we'll probably be staying here. I told my dad we probably wouldn't be coming back for a while," Luna said in the same airy fashion Harry had always known her to speak in.

"Wonder how she knew…I also wonder why I'm talking to myself." Harry snagged Moody and the two enlarged and divided the spare bedroom into two bedrooms with a common bathroom.

Around one in the morning, everyone who was not staying the night had gone. They had all gone in a group, the Order members leaving at the same time as the children to safeguard their trip home. Hagrid had been carrying Ron and leaning on both Moody and Remus at the time. Harry had conveniently ignored the fact that Hermione had nicked some of the books she was leaning on earlier. However, he did notice that Eva was dozing off, her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I think we're gonna call it a night, guys." Harry gently gathered Eva into his arms and carried her to their bedroom, laying her down on the bed and gently stripping her down. Elena came around to some degree.

"Honey, I know its fun, but I'm really tired tonight," she murmured. Harry snorted.

"Don't worry; I doubt I could even get it up right now. I'm just dressing you for bed." He finished, leaving her in one of his old pullovers and her knickers. He slid her under the covers and kicked off his trainers and jeans before joining her.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Eva?"

"Did you leave protection in their room?"

"Rooms, dear. And yes. In each room's nighttable, there is a King James Bible, two packs of condoms, and two pairs of lead-lined jockey shorts. They'll be protected from everything except the common cold."

"Good. Because if they spend the night in different rooms, I'll be very surprised."

"You think they're shagging?"

"If they aren't, I'm the Queen of England."

"I don't buy it. Luna is a bit odd, but I doubt she would be willing to have sex, especially in a friend's house on the first night. And Neville's not that kind of a boy."

"Harry?" Eva was talking without opening her eyes.

"Yes, Eva?"

"Do you think you can beat Riddle?"

"Does it matter?"

"These people are going to need a leader. One who believes in their cause and believes that they can win."

Harry thought about it a moment and realized with a shock that really, he wasn't sure. "Honestly, I don't know. I remember someone once saying that the lost causes were the only ones worth fighting for."

"Don't spout clichés, Harry. They don't suit you at all."

Harry sighed, thought about their situation again, and realized there was a spark of hope. Not quite a flame, but hopefully a spark would be all he needed. "Yes. I believe that we can win this war."

"Good. Now stop talking, you're keeping me awake." Harry opened his mouth, thought about it a moment, and shut his mouth again without saying anything. "Yeah. That's what I thought," Eva said, without opening her eyes. Harry shrugged and snuggled closer to Eva, before raising his head again a few moments later. He could swear that he had heard…and there it was again!

"Damn it, you were right about those two!"

Kinda corny at the end, I know. R&R.

-Lightning


	3. Chapter 3 Deny, Deny, Deny

Intro: This was an oddball idea I had a while back- Harry is moved after the Ministry battle and receives an odd visitor. After he makes the deal, he decides its time to take the fight to Riddle. Non-6th/7th compliant, Gray!Harry, Immortal!Harry, Harry/OC

A/N: *scribbles this in* I always…forget…the goddamn…disclaimer…

Disclaimer: If you for some reason think I'm J.K. Rowling, or am making any money off this story, you need help beyond that which I am capable of providing.

A/N 2: Again, Thanks to everyone who reviews, whether it be good or bad. Don't care what you say, so long as it's constructive. Otherwise, I might just have to get off my high horse and beat some arse.

A/N 3: Chapter 1 has been slightly edited and hopefully seems a bit more understandable and realistic.

Chapter 3: Deny, Deny, Deny

Harry's Flat

August 17th

Harry was having a rather nice dream. He, Eva, and the rest of the underage Immortals were at the beach, playing and splashing in the water. The sun was bright and warm, and Harry felt content, until the water suddenly got icy cold. Harry shivered as the water grew colder.

Harry's eyes snapped open, and he spotted Eva standing over him. She had his boxers in one hand, her wand pointed at his groin and a wide grin on her face. "I see you're awake," she said, ending the chilling charm that she had aimed at Harry's lower body. Immediately, he felt warmer, and let out a sigh of relief as Eva dissolved into fits of laughter.

"I don't find it funny," he growled, before pouncing on her. Shortly after this, the morning turned into an all-out tickle fight.

Several minutes later, a happy-if-disheveled Harry and Eva walked into the kitchen. As Harry started the coffee, Eva pulled out various items from the icebox: bacon, eggs, bellpeppers, onions, and sausages, among other things. Harry made a quartet of omelets and set them on plate imbued with warming charms. Picking one up, he cracked open the door to Luna and Neville's rooms and muttered a quick spell, wafting the scent into the room.

Less than five minutes later, Luna and Neville were walking into the kitchen. While Neville was wearing a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt, from the looks of it, all Luna was wearing was one of Neville's pullovers, which fit her lithe body much like Dudley's old clothes fit Harry- it looked a bit like a fox trying to wear a lion's skin. _Rather fitting analogy,_ Harry thought as he set an omelet in front of each of his roommates. He watched as Neville and Luna each took a bite of their omelets.

Neville spoke first. "Um…wow! You could teach the Hogwarts elves how to cook, Harry!"

"I doubt it. I would like to teach them that there is a juice other than pumpkin, though."

"Yeah, that does get annoying from time to time. Seriously, my kingdom for a glass of apple juice every so often. I'm not asking much." After the laughter subsided, everyone tucked in, and the kitchen was filled with the sounds of forks clinking against plates.

While they were having a cup of tea shortly after breakfast, Neville began questioning Harry about their activities.

"This may be a little late to ask about this, but what exactly will we be doing?"

"Well, if the Order is the equivalent of a military organization for the Light, I guess we'd be a special operations team. We are in for offensive missions, not defensive. Sabotaging their operations before they start, maybe assassinating a few of them. We're going to be hitting them where it hurts."

Luna spoke up. "But I thought Gringotts was the most secure place in the world."

"Beg pardon?"

"You said we'd be hitting them where it hurts. You plan to break into Gringotts and hit them in their pocketbooks?"

"No, but I meant more along the lines of a few killings and possibly an arson or two."

Neville took a sip of coffee. "So how are we going to operate once we get back into school? Or are we going to be more of a DA-type existence?"

"I'm not sure. I guess we will continue the DA and focus on more advanced things- large-scale dueling, first aid and physical training. Maybe we will hire someone to come in and help us. Who knows?"

"You're playing this by ear, aren't you."

"Course I am. I never know what I'm doing until I'm finished doing it."

"But seriously, how are the Immortals going to function?"

"For now, I guess we'll just have to count on the older members to stay on the lookout for now. Immortal or not, four or five of them don't have the power to take on some of the operations I've been planning with Eva."

"And that's another thing. What is she going to do?"

"She's our intelligence link. While we are in school, she will be observing the Death Eaters and gathering information on their plans and activities. She'll also have a group of contacts in the Ministry."

"Can I ask why?"

"Sure." There was silence for a moment as Harry waited, fighting back an impish smile.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" Luna giggled.

Neville sighed. "Why will Eva be keeping tabs on the Ministry?"

"Because I frankly don't trust Fudge. For years, that incompetent bugger has been living quite comfortably in the pocket of whoever the highest bidder happens to be."

"Okay. Well, with Eva taking care of the government, what about the papers?"

"What about them? On the rare occasion that the Quibbler does a story about me or someone related to me, it's written truthfully. In fact, I have an idea about that, if Luna's father is willing to cooperate. But I've been thinking about buying out the Prophet. Just to shut them up."

"What's your plan for the Quibbler, Harry?" Luna asked.

"Luna, what I'm about to say may be a bit harsh. When your father prints something, nobody really believes it."

"Oh, I know that. Its just people have no faith. They have to have something staring them in the face before they'll believe it exists."

"True. I want to print an article about the Immortals. I know it sounds insane, but stick with me, my story gets better. We'll print an article about the Immortals, listing the names of a few of our members- me, possibly Hermione and Ron, but definitely not Luna, Eva, or any of the adult members. We don't want to raise suspicion of the adults, or make it sound credible by mentioning Luna, and we especially don't want to reveal Eva as a player in this just yet. I want the article to sound outlandish and I want the public not to believe that we exist- for now. If someone thinks we do exist, we deny it to death."

"And when do you want this done?"

"I haven't thought about that. Maybe it would be wisest to do it soon, before we get noticed by doing an operation."

"We'll see. We don't have to decide now," Eva said.

"But what exactly will we be doing?"

"When we're at school, we'll be watching the kids of the people we know are Death Eaters, trying to get any information we can about Riddle's location."

"And how will we be doing that?"

"Easy. If you had Riddle at your house, wouldn't you be rather terrified? They'll have a permanent 'deer in the headlights' look on them. Anyway, when we're not in school, we'll probably be training, or running counter-ops on the Death Eaters, trying to disrupt their operations. Maybe taking out some of Riddle's Inner Circle." Harry saw Neville's eyes harden.

"I want Bellatrix."

"I'll hold her down for you. I owe her for Sirius."

"Good. We'll take her together."

"Well, she's our highest-priority target. Next would probably be Lucius Malfoy. He's too damn dangerous, and powerful, to leave alone for too long."

"You do realize you're going to make a lot of orphans, right?"

"It was the parent's choice to get involved with Riddle. I'm just the one who's going to put that bastard down."

"Seems harsh."

Harry's face grew even more grim, if that was possible. "I don't have a choice. I didn't start this. But damn it, I _will_ be the one to finish it."

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Harry stood in the center of the dueling ring, which had multiple destroyable obstacles that could be used to provide cover. "Okay. Usually, Eva and I work out before eating, but for obvious reasons we'll skip that today. So, we're going to practice dueling. We'll keep it low-intensity for now, one-on-one. Luna and Eva, and we'll switch in a minute." They separated into their assigned couples, and without warning, Harry attacked, sending a barrage of spells at Neville, who was simultaneously Summoned, Banished, and bludgeoned from several different angles. The end effect sent the boy tumbling head over heels straight up, and then straight down, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

He looked over at Eva, who shook her head sadly. Luna was lying in a heap on the floor, apparently unconscious. "This is disappointing."

"They're going to need a lot of work."

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Eva shook her head disapprovingly. For the eighth time, she and Harry had taken down the other two with minimal trouble. "This is disgusting!" She shouted at the two, both of whom were still on the floor. Luna's robes were smoking slightly, and Neville was struggling to get his feet back under him. She tucked their wands into her pocket. "You don't stand a chance, even with the immortality. If neither of you can even last more than a few moments against us, you don't have a prayer against Voldemort's Inner Circle." Her lip curled as Neville finally got to his feet, hoisting Luna up. "You wouldn't last a minute against Bellatrix." Neville's head snapped up, his eyes flashing with anger. "I can't believe you made it this far. Must be because the Death Eaters were trying to avoid killing you. If they hadn't, you'd be as good as dead. You're pathetic."

Harry saw something set in the wizard's jaw and he stepped forward, sending a barrage of hexes at Eva- bludgeoners, blasting curses, stunners, and a low-powered flesh-burning curse. Harry was floored- the normally unfocused and underpowered Neville had just shown incredible use of wandless magic. Eva dodged the majority of them and blocked the rest. She retaliated with a thick block of her own curses, most of them high-powered.

Neville stood, rooted to the ground, and lifted his wand hand and off hand as the curses sped towards him. They stopped in midair, the beams of light hovering about six inches from his outstretched hands, before coming together into one large ball of magic. His lips tightened and he pushed forwards with his shoulders, sending the multitude of curses back at Eva, who was too astonished at the turn of events to block the spell. The spell hit her, and she flew back, slamming into the wall of the flat with a dull _thud_ and sliding to the floor. The rage in Neville's eyes faded and he rushed forward, frantically checking Eva over.

"Eva! You alright? Eva!" He shook her, and her hand shot forward, digging into his shoulder with what looked to be a rather painful grip.

"Now…THAT'S what I was hoping for," she coughed out, pulling a smile with bloody teeth. "Well done, kid. Well done. There's hope for you yet." She stood, weaving slightly. "If you can do that again on demand, without me goading you into it, you'll wipe the floor with Bellatrix." The boy looked confused as her grin continued to grow, just before he looked down to spot a stunner coming from the end of her wand, directly into his chest.

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Harry's Flat

August 20th

"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. How in hell did I get into this situation?" Harry was hanging by his ankles seven feet off the floor of the arena, bound by conjured ropes. He looked up (down?) to spot Luna grinning cheekily at him, her wand pointed directly at him. "Ah. I see. Well, you mind letting me down?"

Her eyes twinkled. "Ah, Harry…you're a great guy, and damn cute, but I must tell you that Neville and I are dating exclusively."

"Beg pardon?"

"You asked me to let you down. I did it as gently as I could." Bound, trapped, and hanging by his ankles, Harry considered that a moment before bursting out in laughter, his glasses almost falling off.

"I guess I had that coming. Would you mind untying me and setting me down on the floor?"

"Why of course, Harry. All you had to do was ask." The ropes vanished, and Harry slowly descended, landing gently on the floor.

"Thank you." In response, she spun and sent a trio of curses at him- a freezing spell, an overpowered _Incendio_, and a lightning spell, all at the same time. Harry focused his magic and redirected the spells, splitting them around him and curving them back around, guiding them back towards Luna, and adding a few of his own. She conjured a thick stone wall around herself, and the spells blasted into it, demolishing the wall but leaving her unharmed.

"Enough! Everyone, knock it off." Harry turned, seeing Eva standing, her chest heaving and her clothes torn in several places. Neville looked like he had been trampled by a riot, or a herd of hippogriffs- his eyes were blackened and swollen, his lip was bleeding, and his nose looked to be broken again. His robes were in tatters. Harry and Luna were better off, having used fewer physically battering curses, but were still heavily bruised and had several strained muscles and tendons apiece, as well as a few more major injuries.

Eva rubbed her jaw, where a nasty bruise was forming. "Let's take a break and fix ourselves up." Neville nodded, before spitting a mouthful of blood on the floor and reaching up to his face, prodding his nose gingerly. His face scrunched up more, and with a quick _crunch_, he forced his nose back into shape.

"That sounded like it hurt."

Neville touched his nose again and winced. "You have no idea." They stepped over to a sectioned-off part of the room where a pair of tables was set up, along with a first-aid center that would rival the emergency room of many Muggle hospitals. Harry stripped to the waist, tossing his blood-soaked shirt on the table. Neville did the same, and Harry spotted a large hump protruding between Neville's neck and shoulder.

"Jesus, Nev…it looks like your collarbone is broken!" The taller boy looked over and blanched at the sight.

"Aw, crap…" Harry flipped open a book on healing spells that he had borrowed from Madam Pomfrey at the end of his fifth year. He gently pressed the tip of his wand to the hump, muttering under his breath. Neville's knees buckled and he hissed in pain as the bone moved back into place with a dull crunching sound. "Feels like a thousand bloody ants are walking around in there…" With another few muttered spells and flicks of his wand, Harry mended Neville's nose, fixed his eyes and lip, and cleaned most of the blood off him. Neville worked his facial muscles, grinning. "Much better. Thanks, mate."

"Now, you mind?" There was a large series of bruises along Harry's ribs where a solid block of ice that Luna had conjured had struck him. Each breath came with a flash of pain, and Harry was moderately sure a few ribs were broken. Neville looked at the book, reviewing the spell, and flicked his wand at Harry's ribs. The bones snapped back into place, and Harry sagged as pain jolted through his body. Harry groaned out, "Gently, gently…it's my first time…," bringing a laugh from the others, followed by winces of pain.

After resetting Luna's fingers and fixing the few teeth that she had broken, as well as healing the bruises that Eva had and mending everyone's muscles, the group stopped for lunch, which consisted of sandwiches and assorted drinks. Harry and Neville had a butterbeer apiece, while Luna stuck with water and Eva made do with a glass of cranberry juice.

Swallowing the last bite of sandwich and washing it down with the remainder of his butterbeer, Harry stretched, feeling the vertebrae in his back pop. "I could do with a shower; wash the last of the sweat and blood off me." Receiving sounds of agreement, Harry nodded. "Shall we repair to our rooms, then?"

Eva grinned. "I didn't even know it was broken!"

Harry closed his eyes, shaking his head sadly. "Everyone's a comedian."

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Harry flicked his wand at the shower, and it turned itself on as he shucked his pants. He was about to doff his boxers when he realized something.

"Aw, damnit. I forgot to put towels in the bathroom!"

Eva stared at him. "Is it really that big a deal?"

"Yeah, it is. Everyone expects there to be towels in the bathroom. C'mon, let's go." Eva continued to look at him as though he were a few nuts short of an asylum but went along anyway. Harry retrieved a stack of towels from a cabinet in the hall and strode down to Luna and Neville's suite, before realizing he hadn't bothered to dress. "Oh, damnit."

Eva shook her head and sighed in mock exasperation. "I'll do it." She took the towels from his hands. "You're such an inconvenience." Harry chose the mature response and crossed his eyes, blowing a raspberry at her. She knocked on the door, before opening it and sticking her head inside. "Hey, you two, we – WOAH!" She drew her head back around the door, slamming it shut. "Wow."

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Either he's hung like an elephant, or they cut the umbilical cord a little long when he was born." Harry paled, as many men do when they realize a friend of theirs makes grizzly bears feel inadequate. "Plus, it seems she doesn't have much of a gag reflex." Harry snorted, and backed up a step as the door opened and Luna's head poked out. The boy spotted a drop of clear liquid at the edge of Luna's lip and suppressed a snigger.

"Sorry about that. You were saying?"

Eva fought to keep a straight face. "We brought you some towels, since we know there aren't any in there."

"Oh. Thanks much." She reached around the door, showing much of her shoulder and a good portion of her breast as Eva handed her the towels. Out of habit, Harry's eyes snapped in a different direction, and he twisted at the waist to make sure he didn't spot anything he shouldn't. Eva quirked an eyebrow at his sudden spastic movement but didn't say anything.

"Well, now that that's taken care of…" Eva peeled her shirt off her body, exposing her firm breasts. Harry's body reacted as that of any other 16-year-old male would when presented with a pair of gorgeous breasts - his brain began to shut down and his mouth began to water. Eva took his chin in both hands and murmured in his ear. "If you hurry, we can get a quick one in while we shower." Harry scampered to the shower and was stripping his shirt off when he heard the doorbell ring. It was an odd spell that Remus had used. When the doorbell rang, it didn't so much ring as a loud, heavily Irish-accented voice called out "Oy! Jackass! Get the bloody door!"

"I got it!" He walked past Eva, who shrugged and headed towards the shower. Harry looked through the reinforced peephole and spotted Hermione standing outside. "Now what on earth would she be doing here?" Harry muttered as he slid back the bolt and opened the door. "Hermione? What are you doing here?"

"It's a bit embarrassing…could I come in?" Harry looked down, realizing again that he was only in boxers.

"Um…sure. Enter at your own risk." He opened the door fully and Hermione walked in.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

Harry shook his head. "You caught us right before a shower. We were all training."

"Oh. Okay. Is Eva around? I think she might be able to help me with this too."

"Alright…"

Hermione watched nervously as Harry stood and walked to the hallway. "Eva? Could you come here a moment? Hermione needs some help with something…no, I don't know what she wants…well, I don't think she'll mind…just come here, and to hell with it. I'm just in my boxers anyway." He sat down again. "She'll just be a moment."

Hermione nodded again. "You've been working out, I see." Harry glanced down, where his muscles were showing far more definition.

"Oh, yeah. Most of what we do around here is just train and study. Been working hard." At that moment, Eva made her entrance, still topless. Hermione gaped for a moment, before shutting her mouth with a snap.

"Umm, Eva, you do realize you're topless, right?" Eva nodded quickly.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, just sort of…surprised, I guess." Eva crossed her arms over her chest, looking intently at Hermione.

"It wasn't great for you, was it?" Both Harry's and Hermione's heads snapped up at once. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Wait…what?" Harry asked, hopelessly confused. Hermione just looked scared.

"I'm not pregnant…but is it that obvious?"

Eva shook her head. "No. I just recognize that look. I've seen the same look on every girl who gave her virginity to someone and then wondered what happened."

Harry rested his chin on his hands, waiting for an explanation. Hermione took a deep breath. Then her mouth moved, and…something, Harry wasn't sure quite what, came out. Harry blinked. Then blinked again.

"Can I have that again, slower?"

Hermione sighed. "Ron and I have been dating since the end of last school year. I meant to tell you on the 16th, but too much happened that day and it sort of got lost in the shuffle. Two nights ago, we slept together for the first time."

Eva broke in. "And just by looking at you, I can tell it was less than you expected."

Hermione snorted. "Well, to start with, neither of us had a bloody clue what we were doing. I've never read up on this before." Harry gasped and grabbed his chest in mock surprise, and Eva smacked him on the shoulder.

"Shush. She's obviously distressed." She turned back to said distressed young woman. "Go on, honey. Its okay, that happens a lot to most first-time couples."

"Thanks. Second, he…finished…rather quickly, but from what I remember you telling me on the 16th, that's common too." Eva nodded silently.

"It happens. But I'm just so damn nervous about this now…I don't know what to do!" Eva rubbed her back slowly, speaking softly to her.

"Easy, Hermione. It's okay. What happened afterwards?"

"Well, we tried to continue, but it just wasn't happening. I've tried to talk to him about it, but its obvious hes just as uncomfortable about it as I am."

"If not more," Harry broke in. Both women turned to him with questioning looks. "Hey, the male libido is a fragile thing. If I couldn't ring Eva's bell, I'd be pretty down too." Hermione smiled in spite of herself.

"Thanks, Harry." Eva caught his eye, jerked her head towards the shower, and mouthed 'we need to talk'.

"I mean it. Your first time, or first couple of times, will not be spectacular. You're both starting from scratch here, so it may take a while for you two to get the hang of things." Hermione seemed satisfied with that, and Harry stood. "Now, I know you're probably not entirely done with this, but frankly, Eva and I stink. So we're going to grab a quick shower, and then we'll be back, okay?" Hermione nodded. "Oh, and watch out. Neville and Luna…" He trailed off.

Eva broke in. "They're shagging too. So keep an ear out, okay?" Hermione giggled.

"Okay. Have fun, you two." Eva took Harry by the hand and led him towards the bathroom.

"We won't be long."

"Hey! I resent that!"

The two stripped down in the bathroom and stepped into the shower, which had been running at the perfect temperature. Harry picked up the soap and lathered his hands up, before starting to wash Eva's back. After about a minute of this, he spoke. "Eva, I know you're thinking of something. Spill it."

"What makes you think that I've got something in mind?" She asked, trying to sound innocent.

Harry slid his hands up and began working the suds into her shoulders. "I know you, Eva. You have something cooking. Let's hear it."

"You may get upset."

In response, Harry uttered in haste some of the words that men say most often, just before becoming upset. "I promise I won't get upset." She still seemed hesitant, so Harry sat her down straddling the bench in the center of the shower and had her lay back into his lap as he began shampooing her hair. "Now tell me."

"Frankly, I think you should sleep with Hermione."

Harry did a double take. "I beg your pardon?"

"I said, I think you and Hermione should have sex."

"Why? I thought we had something going," Harry asked, feeling hurt.

"We do, Harry. We do. And I'm not saying I don't care about you, or our relationship. Nevertheless…she needs help. And if my suspicions are right, so does Ron."

"So…you want to sleep with him?"

She nodded, and Harry stopped working the lather into her hair. "I don't think I can do that."

"Harry, I'm not saying that I want a relationship with him…or anything else, for that matter. I'm not even sure I want one night with him. What I do want is to teach him how to please a woman so he'll have half a clue when he and Hermione are spanking the monkey."

"What-ing the what?"

"My, you really were repressed…y'know, do the dirty, feed the kitty, glaze the donut, hide the sausage, humpty dumpty, the mattress mambo, the mommy-daddy dance, park the beef bus in tuna town, play doctor, put the snake in the cave, ride the baloney pony, roll in the hay, ring her bell, rumple the foreskin, score, scratch your itch, screw, sexercise, shag, sink the sub, slap bellies, spank the cat, spear the bearded clam, storm the trenches, stuff the beaver, sweep the chimney, take "old one-eye" to the optometrist, thread the needle, tickle her belly from the inside, two-person push ups, vulcanize the whoopee stick, wet the wick-"

"EVA!" Harry shouted. "I get what you're saying, but…wait, vulcanize the whoopee stick?" He shook himself, returning to his original thought. "I still don't know if I can handle that."

"Harry…" She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm not asking to do this for me. I'm asking to do it for them. Your best friends, who I might add, were staying apart officially until they found out that you and I were a couple."

"How do you know that?"

"On the 16th, when Hermione took me aside, she told me that she and Ron had been dating in secret. She also told me that if I hurt you, she'd hunt me down and make me wish that I lived under a constant Cruciatus. Then she told me that the only reason that they weren't an official couple was because they both didn't want you to feel left out."

Harry was floored. "I didn't know that. I'm sorry, Eva. I didn't know that they had done that." She began scrubbing his back.

"That was sort of the idea." Harry laughed. "Now, what'cha say?"

"Alright. They'd have to be okay with it, though. Ron won't have much of a problem, because…well, he's a bloke, and you are beautiful, so if Hermione is good with it, he will be too."

"She will be the tough nut to crack. I think between the two of us, we can convince her."

"Yeah, because if it was just me, it'd seem like I was being a hormonal asshat. With you, it'd be more reasonable." She began working shampoo into his still-messy hair.

"Right. Now, there is one more problem. How are you with this? Are you alright with it?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I'm not sure, but I can live it. You?"

Eva finished scrubbing his chest with a handy loofah and gently pushed him back into the spray. "I'm not going to say I won't have fun doing it, because if all goes well, I will."

"Alright." He stuck his head under the spray, rinsing off the last of the suds. "Let's get to it then."

Harry switched off the shower with a flick of his wand, drying them with another quick spell. He donned a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, leaving his hair to fall where it would. After the Ministry battle, Harry had decided that he had bigger things to fight than his own hair.

Pulling on a pair of socks and trainers, he turned and saw Eva pulling on a pair of hip-hugging black pants and a black tank top, before shaking out her hair.

"Ready?" Harry nodded. "Good. Then let's go."

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"Ah, bugger," Harry muttered as Hermione toppled off the couch, a look of shock fixed on her face. His seeker reflexes paid off as he sprang forward and caught her just before she hit the floor, setting her back on the couch. "_Ennervate_," he said, flicking his wand at her chest. She snapped awake.

"Wha-who-what?"

"Hermione, we were serious."

"I need a drink," Eva muttered as Hermione stared at him.

"So…you'd be sleeping with me…and she'd be sleeping with Ron?" Harry nodded. "And you two are okay with that?" Harry nodded again. "I think I need a drink too." Eva came back with two mugs. Hermione took a sip and coughed. "What in the hell is this?" She rasped, holding her throat.

"My own hot toddy recipe," Eva said proudly, taking a large gulp.

"Lemme see that," Harry said, taking a small sip. As the liquid went down his throat, his nose started running, his throat burned, his eyes watered, and Harry felt immediately several degrees warmer. "Merlin, Eva, this stuff should have an octane rating!"

Eva nodded proudly. "I'm glad you like it."

Harry looked at the contents of the mug, before shrugging and taking a big sip. "It's five o'clock somewhere."

"So, what do you say, Hermione?" Eva asked as Harry's hair began to stand on end.

"I think that Ron wouldn't have much of a problem with it, but I just don't know. Harry, are you sure you'd be alright with it?" Harry nodded, his hair now standing in spikes. "Well, I guess it could happen…"

"Right," Eva said, standing and weaving slightly. "We'll contact him, kidnap him tomorrow, bring him back here, and split up for the night. Then we'll work things out the next morning."

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Harry set down his pen and lifted the paper, reading the letter again.

_Ron,_

_ We need to talk about Hermione. I know what has happened between you two, but it's not a problem-or at least it won't be. Floo to the Leaky Cauldron, then swing by here as soon as you can._

_See you soon, mate - I hope_

_-Harry_

"What'cha think?" Hermione bent over next to him, scanning the letter. Harry had to fight to stare at something else, as this position gave him a rather spectacular view down the front of her shirt.

"I like it. Simple, to the point."

"Eva?" His lover came over, bent into the same pose as Hermione, and read the letter as well. This time, Harry allowed himself the pleasure of staring, albeit inconspicuously.

"Follows the KISS rule. Well done."

"The what rule?" Harry asked as he stuffed the letter in an envelope and sealed it, both physically and magically, using a spell that Remus had taught him. If anyone but Ron tried to open or read the letter, it would show a letter talking to Ron about Quidditch. If someone tried to force the enchantment, the letter would incinerate itself.

"Keep It Simple, Stupid."

"Ah. Hedwig?" The snowy owl looked up from her perch. "Fancy a trip to Ron's? This letter isn't too much of a rush." The owl gave him her patented "what are you, stupid?" look before fluttering over, taking the letter in her beak, and flapping out the open window. "It's strange how that owl can say more with a look than most people can with ten minute's worth of talking."

"So, now what?" Hermione asked.

"Well, we need to do some shopping. Since I'm forbidden to go outside, and we don't have a whole month to brew some Polyjuice, I'm going to have to ask Eva to get the things we need. But first…" Harry grabbed a fresh sheet of paper and his pen. "Eva, could you repeat what you said in the shower?"

Eva sighed and took a deep breath. "Do the dirty, feed the kitty, glaze the donut, hide the sausage…"

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Harry looked up from the book he was reading when the doorbell chimed in its special way. "I have got to get that bloody thing changed," he muttered as he looked through the special peephole. Aside from being reinforced, it had enchantments on it that would see through Polyjuice, glamours, and any other concealment. He spotted Ron standing outside, with his normal look on – confused and slightly bored. Harry pulled open the door.

"How you doing, mate?" Ron quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Good. C'mon in." The boy stepped inside and Harry shut the door, feeling the enchantments fall back down over the door.

"Now," Ron said, "What exactly am I doing here?"

"Anything go on between you and Hermione the past few days?" Ron paled slightly.

"You know about that?"

"Yeah. She told us."

"Great…now everyone knows I can't perform worth a damn in bed."

"No. Only Eva and me. And we've got a plan for that."

"Can I ask what it is?"

"Maybe you better sit down." The boy sat, and Harry took a slow breath.

"So what's the plan?"

"In twenty-five words or less: Eva would sleep with you, I'd sleep with Hermione. Each of you would learn what to do and get some practice in at it." Harry counted it up on his fingers. "Oh good. Made it with one word to spare."

Ron grinned. He continued grinning as he toppled forward onto the floor.

"Ah, bugger…" Harry muttered as Ron's head thunked against the carpet. "If this happens every time I tell someone a plan of mine, I'm going to be VERY pissed off."

R&R. I take suggestions, requests, and urgent hysterical pleas.

-Lightning


End file.
